Again
by wordy stuff
Summary: This is kind of a sequel to my thoughts but you dont need to have read it. Its from moriatys point of veiw again however I dont mention this so... I dunno tell me what you think please..? oh and this is Johnlock overall I think? please tell me if Im wrong This was wrote quite quickly because i was bored dunno if im gunna write more tell me if u think i should? :/


I've found that love is a thing which never ends. A continuous torture which lies within until the end of your days. I've found that love lasts forever, you can't shake it off, and that once you have found the one you cannot survive without them. Love lasts a lifetime. An unbreakable curse. And I've just made this curse worse, multiplied it if you like.  
The man I love, the beautiful John, has been taken by the living miracle Sherlock. I understand why to be honest. Sherlock is tall and strong and caring and trustworthy and well just everything I'm not. I am weak and small. Nothing compared to Sherlock. That's why I'm not surprised my John has chosen him over me. And I guess that's why I did it. To make John jealous. To try and make him realise what I am offering him. It didn't work. It never does.  
A few weeks back I started speaking to an old friend if mine. We had lost contact years ago but had met by chance in a bar. He came over and we started talking about our lives. What we didn't already know about each other. He told me he worked as a soldier. I should have realised how small this world is. But I carried on talking to him and after a couple more drinks, we were a little more at ease with what we were saying (if you know what I mean!). He told me that for a while he had been noticing me. He told me that, although he had a wife and a couple of beautiful children, he could no longer deny the fact that he liked men. See I was curious to were this conversation was heading, so I let it continue. He told me that he loved me. I wasn't sure what to think or say at first. I mean he was a well known liar at school and famous for his attention seeking. I eventually answered the unasked question. I said that maybe, although I currently didn't like him back, I would be able to forget my feelings for John and direct them towards him. I said yes. I'm still not entirely sure why. I suppose it was because I didn't want to lose him as a friend. That night I want back to my apartment and layed on my bed. I managed to convince myself that I preferred him to John anyway just as the sun rose. My phone bleeped. Telling me I had received a message. It was from him. Telling me how much he loved me. That's when it started to crash. He was saying that he loved me with the bottom of his heart. I knew this was wrong. I was playing with another's heart. We continued to text each other for the duration of the day. I felt we were getting closer. And I had finally managed to shake John from my mind. Around lunchtime that day I received another message saying that although he loved me he couldn't do this. He ended things. I wasn't too upset as I didn't love him as I ever had John. But it still hurt a bit. Part of my empty black heart shattered. In my moment of grief I texted him. Stupidly comparing my John to him. We pretty much stopped talking. It was clear that he hadn't really loved me but was leading me on.  
A week later I was out Sherlock watching, still trying to learn his abstract ways, when both him and my John headed into a restaurant. They had been speaking about it all morning. John was meeting one of his old friends from his army days. He didn't mention a name. I followed them in. There they were. The three of them. The love of my life, John, and Sherlock sat opposite to my new exboyfriend.  
I must have given away my shock at finding them together because John noticed. Seconds later all three were looking at me. I turned and left. Tears threatening to fall from my sodden eyes.  
I received one text that evening. It was from John. My John. The only person I have ever loved. The only person I ever will love. It said, I heard about what happened. That's what's done it. I have uncovered my lack of patience.  
And now my only true love believes that I no longer love him. Or that I am easy. That's not true. I do still love you John. And just you. I was hoping that he would free me from you curse. But no. I hope you read this. But more than that I hope you read this and realise how much I love you and how much I care and I hope you realise who you are John. I will always love you.

To play with love is a difficult hurtful game. Love lasts forever. You do not chose who you love. It just happens. You just fall. You can't stop yourself. But you always know that however long the fall. There will always be a bottom. A pain. The only problem is that for me this pain will not leave. I cannot shake my love for my John off. I just have to stay put and hope he realises. And one day I am sure he finally will.


End file.
